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The Tuna Sandwich The sun was burning down hot on the back of my already scorched neck. I had been sitting in my boat for five minutes already. The waves of Lincoln Pond splashed ont he side of my little blue motorboat. I pulled up on the beach of a small island, about the size of this classroom. I reached into my back pocket of my tired overalls and yanked out the two, small flattened twinkies. I gulped them down in one bite.On my way back to the boat I fell right on my nose, after tripping over a large mound of sand. I couldn't resist digging into the sand to see what was buried. I scooped the hot sand from around object. After an hour of digging and scooping, the object I found was a giant golden blender. Wow, I thought, this is my lucky day. I pushed and pulled that darn blender until it got settled in my boat.I hopped in and started the engine, slowly it started to move. I took my paddles out and started to row. The boat went twice as fast. Once to shore, I tossed the blender in my rusty red pick up truck that I love so dearly, and slowly made my way home. I situated the blender in my backyard, and looked it over. On the side, in neon green italics, there were inscribed words. It wrote,"Make me a tuna sandwich, instructions on the lid. Man I need to find that lid. I drove back to the island, when I got there I started to search. In no time I was lying in the sand again. Apperently tripped over another mound of sand. Coming back to conciousness, I thought, yes, I must have found the lid. I dug, and dug, and dug. Finally the lid appeared. Eventually the lid and I were home. On the lid the directions were to, "Catch me a tuna." That was easy enough, I'll just drive to Lincoln Pond. For sure there must be many tunas there. I opened my garage door to get the truck, and remembered my fishing pole. I loaded my honckin' fishing pole onto the truck. In the corner of the garage I found my sacred vibra lure. You attach it to the fishing pole to make it vibrate and send magic messages to the fish. I hopped onto to the front seat of the truck and started it. Halfway to the pond it died. I was on a mission, I had to go on. In another half a mile I was there. I threw all the equipment into the motorboat. When I reached the center of the pond, I cast the line out. It made a huge splash, as if a boulder had fallen into the water. The waves knocked the boat over. I managed to turn the vibrator lure on, it was shaking me like I had an odd twitch. I started to move forward at a fast pace. The fishing pole was dragging me around the lake. On the second time around, it stopped. Without any warning a giant tuna came up from underneath me. The slimy body made me slip a little, but growing up in my town, they require lessons on riding tunas. After all, no one knows when they have to ride a giant tuna. That tuna gave me a tough time, but I got it home safely. I was kind of surprised that the tuna jumped into the blender so cooperatively. I quickly pressed "chop" on the blender. The next instruction was to add mayonnaise. I went to the phone and dialed up Super Sam's Club that operated down the road. I order five kegs of mayo. Within minutes the good people from the club dropped off the barrels. With a ladder holding me up, I poured in the five kegs of mayo. After blending the ingredients, all I ahd to do was bake the bread. I had the perfect idea. I would the metal from my truck to make the pan to make the bread in. At the end it wasn't the greatest creation I had ever made, but it would do. I needed to make a fire. It needed to be big. I decided to cut the trees in my backyard, and pour in all the gasoline in town. Within seconds the bread was done cooking. I got my trusty axe out of the house to cut the bread in half. On my first swing the axe broke in pieces. Oh darn it. What was I going to do? Soon I found a chainsaw and cut the bread in half. With a snow shovel, I got the tuna onto the bread. The next direction was to cut the sandwich diagonally. The saw would cause the tuna to splatter everywhere if I used it. With the fishing line, I managed to pull it down on both sides to make a smooth diagonal cut. I finally did it. In a puff of black smoke a genie, about the size of one's nose, appeared. The genie opened his tiny mouth, then the whole sandwich was sucked into his bosy like a vacuum. the genie grew to about the size of my house. In a deep voice he asked me if I wanted three wishes or all of his powers. Of course I wanted all the powers. Without warning the blender sprouted wings and flew back to the island on Lincoln Pond with the lid following it. They buried themselves on the island. I got sucked into the blender until someone else comes to make a tuna sandwich. by DR |